Idk what it is about the youth of today, but it seems like we all like to get high, in someway or another.
Yeah, i was a pothead at church for haloween one year, dont hate. but back to my point that most, if not everyone, is out to get high, whether its via marijuana, crack, alcohol, soda, or even a full night of sleep. its a big challenge in highschool to try to resist all these temptations, especially when every lightweight talks about how drunk or high they got the night before. and seeing some of these guys when theyre high makes you wonder why they even do it. all the fun and wrecklesness that youd think theyd have (or what theyd say theyd have) just isnt there.
then you have some of those mean drunks, the ones who drink a little and get really irritating. and you know that its not really them talking, its what they consumed talking. either that, or their just being fake, which makes it all the more irritating.
and what's the good lil Christian response to this? its a big no no. why is it so bad? most of us cant even answer that. we just say that its bad and move on with our lives. there are a lot of reasons why seeking highs through substance abuse is bad. it brings you euphoric joy in something other than the Grace of God amongst other reasons, but thats for another topic. but lets be real here, even us Christians will try to get that dopamine flowing in our system.
To me, there was no better feeling than that last day of my first week at Christian camp. it was this thing called baayf, where a bunch of asian churches got toghether and roughed it out in our bathroom-less cabins (unless you we're an older girl, which i was never). they played blessed be your name and i just felt compelled to lift my hands and something took over me; brought me to tears and all that good stuff. next year came by, and it happened again. it was great. after all the mess i had to endure at school and everything, it was a moment of sweet release when i got up to that altar.
then year 3 came around. i just read shane claibornes book, and i couldnt see things the same. all of the church culture started to get under my skin. i started to notice that i would just go to get that high, go home and try to fan the flame until it dies. i started to judge the people there on their sincerity because of my own dishonesty. started to be jealous of the guys who came just to pick up on girls just because i couldnt, so i told myself that i wasnt there for that, i told myself im there for God alone. but it grew worse.
i try to get the highs through prayer, through worship, through all of that. but no ambient lighting or cinematics can take the place of the real Spirit of God that showed up in Acts. i tried worshiping harder, praying harder, but all i wanted was that high.
the emptiness just ate away at me. no more highs with my knees bowed, no more rushes with my hands raised. no more warmth from the words of others. only a cold deadness and resentment to those who could get high. i started to think that they were faking their drunkness, that they just wanted to be cool and have something to talk about after it was all over; that was all i wanted.
even at a huge convention i couldnt feel God. the words brought out no amens, the altar drove out no tears. a mute spirit overtook my mouth, and my spirit started to show lepers spots.
in calibornes book, he talks about this thing called "spiritual leprosy". with physical leprosy, the nerve cells in a person's body dies and they no longer feel. so when they bump into things or hurt themselves, they feel no pain and their limbs become damaged and eventually fall off. spiritual leprosy is that very thing, except with our spirits. just as physical leprosy victimizes the poor and outcast; physical leprosy attacks the rich and comfortable. my spirit just couldnt feel.
it came to a point where i tried everything, my spirit built resistence to spiritual highs just as a drug addict gets too used to the drug that theyre taking; they need more of it to get that high. and i didnt just want that high for a little while, i wanted it all the time. now whats wrong with that? wanting that fire for God all the time? im just beginning to learn.
i've seemed to belittle the Spirit of God, in a completely foolish manner. i called for the spirit to fall on me when i was alone on my knees in bed. i called for God to make the Spirit move when im alone with my guitar, i just wanted that high. i called for it while i was at school so i wouldnt care about the alcohol, drugs, or parties. i wanted a better high, something to keep me away from all of that. so i can say that my high is better, thats why im a Christian, thats why i go to church.
my friends, it isnt so. God's Spirit doesnt come just to get you high. He comes for a purpose, He comes to shake foundations and revive the weary. not just to give you a story and to fill you with an unexplainable feeling, but to anoint and convict. and He doesnt just come in that kind of fullness whenever because He's too intense; "But," he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live." (Exodus 33:20). how much more intense is the Spirit of God than too much alcohol or too much heroin? God is always present but His Holy Spirit comes to fill us when we gather or act with a purpose. Theres many other reasons why we aren't always filled, and id love to talk about it over some coffee or food. haha. anyways.
the mystery if the Holy Spirit is a deep and vast one, this is by no means AT ALL a full description of it. but if im going to say anything now, its to live for more than to get high; but we need to live in sober humility and just focusing on living a pure and righteous life. and when the time comes, God will fill us. dont ask for the Spirit to merely get high; ask because you want to build the kingdom, ask because you want to see lives transformed, ask because you want to see the youth anointed, ask because you want to see the old respected, ask because you want to see the weary renewed, ask because you want to see Christ lifted high, all of this amongst all the other good and excellent reasons.
So whether youre high or not, live with a purpose. dont be a fool like me and judge others when youre in need of a high you cant get, but take the plank out of your eye first; you dont know what theyre going through. pray, worship, and live with a purpose.
" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." -1 Corinthians 13:4-7
